Remembering....

The article below is featured in today's Grand Rapids Press. It marks the 25th anniversary of the death of my Aunt Marilyn, Aunt Joann, cousin Hans and 2 others. My cousin, Rhiannon, was the sole survivor. My Aunt Mary and my Mom are the two sisters featured in the piece, along with my cousin.

It's one of those moments in your life where you realize, not everyone is good. Some things don't get better and some things can't be fixed. I remember this day fairly well-I was only 7 (almost 8). But what I remember more than that was the profound sadness...the shadow it cast on our big, happy, loving family. You never "get over" something like this. It stays with you, deep in your heart, a missing piece that always reminds you to hold tight to those precious people and moments in your life. It makes the importance of family even more so and teaches us that as easy as it is to hate, it's in the forgiving that we grow and eventually find peace.

Thinking of you....

25 years after Grand Rapids quadruple murder-suicide, lone survivor has found forgiveness

By Nate Reens | The Grand Rapids Press

January 07, 2010, 7:32AM

 

25 years ago: The Grand Rapids Press carried the quadruple murder-suicide story on the front page of the Jan. 7, 1985 edition.

GRAND RAPIDS -- Looking back on the afternoon she found her mother and four others dead, Rhiannon McCalmont believes two things happened 25 years ago: God protected her from the killer's wrath, and she learned how to forgive.

McCalmont, then 7, played in the snow with friends outside her mother's Southwest Side house when Lee Baumann shot his estranged wife, Joann Baumann, their 6-month-old son, Hans, McCalmont's mother, Marilyn Dykhouse, and her boyfriend, Joshua Thomas.

Baumann turned the shotgun on himself on Jan. 6, 1985. He spared McCalmont, who later left the outdoor cold to find the carnage inside.

"I remember vividly Lee walking from the car to the house with the shotgun," said McCalmont, now 32 and living in Blendon Township with her husband and two children.

"I remember every single thing from that day."

But in the aftermath, McCalmont discovered a rebirth.
 

Courtesy Photo Marylin Dykhouse, left, and her sister Joann Baumann were murdered 25 years ago.

Her grandmother, Mary Dykhouse, encouraged her to absolve Baumann. That same night, she sat on a bed in her grandmother's home, where she lived for three years, and began to forgive her mother's killer.

"It seems crazy, but I really feel that was the most impactful thing," McCalmont said. "It took the focus off of him and what happened and told me that I needed to live."

Baumann, angry that his wife left their Upper Peninsula home and refused to reconcile because of his violent nature, searched inside and walked around outside looking for her.

"I really believe, ultimately, that I was protected, and the only protector I know is God," McCalmont said Wednesday, the anniversary of the family tragedy. "I'm not sure how I was outside and away from the house."

That didn't stop the childhood nightmares, just as the multiple murder-suicide still haunts Mary Reamer and Karen Kowalewski, who are the sisters of the female victims.

The pair, part of a nine-child family, continue trying to find the positive side of the loss of Dykhouse, 35, and Joann Baumann, 30.

Dykhouse, a mental health social worker, was a compassionate woman who could find good in anyone. She advocated healthy eating and living.

Baumann was a student teacher with a love of the outdoors. She wrote poetry and devoured literature.
Reamer remembers her sisters each day and often sees the world through their lenses.

"They were a big influence then and are today," said Reamer, who placed a memorial advertisement in The Press to honor the victims. "They taught me how to love and to care about others." The 46-year-old said the tenderness her sisters showed toward others played a role in her and her husband, Clint's adoption of six children in addition to their four biological kids.

Kowalewski revisits the loss each time she learns of domestic violence deaths, particularly when they involve children."Something like this never leaves you, and similar things bring it right back," Kowalewski said. "I mean Hans was a 6-month-old baby. "Who does that?"

 

Paul L. Newby II | The Grand Rapids PressRhiannon McCalmont, center, with her husband, Steve, and children Keegan, 9, and Ella, 7, in their Blendon Township home. Rhiannon was the lone survivor of a 1985 Grand Rapids murder-suicide that claimed her mother, her mother's boyfriend, an aunt, a cousin and the killer.

Both women praise Rhiannon McCalmont for persevering and becoming the person she is today.
They see shades of her mother in McCalmont, whose laugh, upbeat nature and quirks are hallmarks of Marilyn Dykhouse.

McCalmont credits her grandmother and father, Joe Schmitt, and his wife, Cathy Schmitt, for creating a nurturing environment where she could physically and spiritually grow away from the horrible memories.

Authorities said Lee Baumann, a science teacher who hailed from Saginaw, planned the slayings, driving from the couple's home near Marquette with the shotgun in the trunk.

He had a violent streak and had sought counseling, his mother said following the deaths. Baumann left a note that concluded with "I am sorry all."

Joann Baumann left her husband about a month before her death, after a rage that ended with him smashing an antique chair and threatening that she was next.

He apparently faulted Dykhouse for housing her sister and nephew, police said.

McCalmont moved from Grand Rapids to Grand Blanc at 11 years old to live with the Schmitts. Cathy Schmitt adopted her and became the woman McCalmont calls "Mom." "She taught me how to be a woman, how to be a mother," McCalmont said. "They showed me that I wasn't different, that I was just someone in the family.

"I lost my mother, but I feel like there's a restoration in my father's family. And I try to honor (Marilyn Dykhouse) by just being myself, by being happy like she was."

E-mail Nate Reens: nreens@grpress.com

Wordless (almost) Wednesday: The Tired Hosts

This is what 2 people look like at 2am after hosting a New Year's Party for over 50 people...

Our New Bathroom!

Things have been a little crazy around here, so in true form, we decided to tackle a huge project right in the middle of everything! Since Mike actually had a few days off from work between Christmas and New Years, we went ahead a ripped out our main floor bathroom...fun!

The picture to the left was taken on the day we bought our new house. Absolutely nothing had changed in there since that day other than we fixed the toilet so it would work again. It was literally the only room in the house that we hadn't touched yet and it was driving me bonkers!

We were fortunate that a friend of ours works for an upscale Kitchen & Bath Design store and was on the lookout for a good deal for us. We were able to pick up a custom sink base, glass tiles, and a vessel sink for a fraction of the retail price. Bravo! 

So, we gutted everything and were left with a lovely shell to work with...

 Mike and I then picked out our floor tile and matching wall tile, a new mirror and light fixture, and new hardware for the walls.  Our super awesome friend, Deane, then came to help us lay the tiles. Mike ran the wet-saw, Deane laid the tiles and I ran back-up.

We leveled the floor, installed the
cabinet and did all the floor tile on the
first day, then the wall tiles the next.

Mike and I grouted on the third day and finished the rest of the bathroom on the 4th. It's not totally complete yet because the most fabulous part is still in transit. We have a beautiful Silestone top coming and our vessle sink is on back-order. We will then use some wonderful 4x4 glass tiles as a backsplash once the rest is installed. For now, we cut down the old sink and threw it back on top so that we had some way to wash our hands! It works and doesn't look terrible, but I can't wait to see the finished product in place!