Today, February 11th, marks the 1 year anniversary of my contracting Guillain-Barre Syndrome. I can remember that morning fairly well...waking up as usual around 7:30am to the sounds of giggles and whispers from the bedroom next to ours. Something didn't feel right though...my right hand was kinda numb and tingly but I just figured I'd slept on it funny and the feeling would eventually go away.
As I started to go about my day, I realized that I was having a very difficult time doing ordinary things, such as getting the girls dressed or brushing my hair or standing up. I thought I was coming down with a serious case of the flu for sure! It got so disturbing that I actually had to call Mike and ask him to come home from work-something I never do, even when I am sick. We made an appointment to see the Dr. the following morning, hoping to figure out what was going on as quickly as possible before I felt any worse.
As many of you know, I did not get better, instead starting down the road to total body paralysis (with the exception of much of my face) and the need to be ventilated so that I could breathe.
I try to not remember those days, because when I do, the emotions are still too raw and close to the surface for me not to cry. I was scared. I was lonely. I was confused. I had never been in the hospital, with the exception of giving birth to the girls, never broken a bone or needed stitches, perfect attendance for over 5 years at my past job and in school. "I" didn't get sick...why was this happening to me? What did I do wrong?
Of course I know that I didn't do anything wrong and there is no answer to the "why" part of it. But I still asked myself those questions over and over-and ultimately it came back to my realization that everything happens for a reason, and although I am not always meant to understand it, it had a purpose.
I am here today, I am happy and fairly healthy, surrounded by loving friends and family and enjoying all the things that this life offers. And....I guess that's the whole point. So, today I am remembering, and also moving one step further down the road. Not the road of forgetting, but of living and loving and being happy...AMEN!
2 comments:
So glad that things are better. We look forward to seeing your sweet family again soon.
It's all very much still real in my mind too.. Glad we're finally moving forward from the horrible year 2008 was.
- On the 13th we spent the whole day (11hr) in the ER, only to have them send us home with a "We don't know what's wrong with you", and give no help getting into the car (even though Ren couldn't walk). Got home to find out she couldn't stand anymore, made our first 911 call, and our first trip in an Ambulance back to the hospital. It kinda helps me to talk about it again...
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